The comfort zone was killing me

CHANGE.  I needed a change, but I didn’t want to change my husband, my family, and my friends because I love them. So what was I to change?
I’m 52 years old, living in Winnipeg, with a nice job, but the meaning and feeling of “nice” is killing me. The comfort zone of working with  nice people, having plenty of holidays,

“The Holstee Manifest” ©2009

and working reasonable hours are not enough.  I ask myself, “Do I see myself doing the same over and over and over for the next 10 years?” My answer is no.  I really want to work at something that challenges me. What am I to do? I make the decision to go back to school, to become a full-time student.
To arrive to my decision was a long journey:  I had to figure out what I wanted to study, feel confident about probably being the eldest student in the classroom, and have the courage to study in a language that is not my first language.  I sought help, worked with a coach, and learned that I needed to look for something that suits who I am..

I’m energetic.
I’m passionate.
I’m self demanding.
I’m supportive of others.
I’m eager to learn.
I love having projects.
I’m confident, yet I’m insecure.
I’m friendly.
I have a family that supports me.
I have friends who support me.

I have many questions that I don’t have the answers for. What else do I need? What will I do when I finish studying? What kind of job do I want? Will I find the job I want? Will my memory work in the same way it used to? Do I need to be successful? What is the meaning of being successful?  Am I too old to go back to school? For months, these questions haunt me day and night. Then, one day I realize that leaving my comfort zone and experiencing something new  will be nurturing. By enjoying the present, I know that in the end everything will be right.
A few years ago, when I put together my portfolio, I wrote, “When you love what you do, it is not difficult to put your best forward.” My wish is to have this feeling in my next job. My journey has begun…


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